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We were flirting on the way, linking arms and teasing each other and play fighting and we chatted away in a bar in Earls Court

So yeah, I mean, that story wasn’t relevant to my point at stumbling at the first hurdle. Well, it is for Shamone and her skank I guess, but I was a mere pawn in that scab pile cesspit of poor behaviour.

I have stumbled at the first hurdle a few times, or even managed to get over the first hurdle, only to stagger a little, try desperately to keep running and ultimately end up bloody kneed and bashed on the floor, alone and bewildered. This is what happened with the police officer. We chatted online for a while, then she asked me out for dinner and I happily obliged despite her inability to converse properly online. Most conversations complimented me on my good sense of humour, with little banter back, but she was stunning and had a cool job.

I naturally left her and Dickmouth to it; hurt, yet smug in the knowledge that they were clearly doomed

So that weekend I was in a four star hotel in London that I got an amazing deal on and I was running late so the police officer offered to come to me. I gave her my room number, carried on getting ready and a few hours later there was a knock on the door. She was so beautiful. I still remember this really cute smile she did over something I said before we went to get food. Before we knew it it was pretty late and I told her if she needed to stay with me because of tubes or whatever she could and I wouldn’t try it on, so she did. Her profile was beautiful, as she lay there, semi smiling with her eyes closed and waiting for me to kiss her.*sigh*

So. what do you think happened next guys? After we spent the CrГ©ditos CupiDates night making out and even kissing our way to the hotel door as we said our goodbyes and ,made promises to see each other soon and sent texts all day and for the next few weeks saying how amazing we thought each other was? What do you think happened?

I have not seen that girl since in the flesh. Just the odd Facebook update, and do you know why? Because I don’t. We went from texting all the time, to nothing. Its not a big deal, in the big scheme of things, but she said she really liked me and gave me a really positive vibe, then she just disappeared. What the fuck is that?

So after a few weeks of expecting something to somehow develop in a hell hole of disappointment, I moved on to Daniella, an attractive, opinionated but ultimately weak strumpet who rang me every other day and flirted with me all the time only to stand me up on the day of our date because she met a ‘straight’ girl the day before who she was unsure about but thought she would give it a go. Things went well on that date for them, meanwhile I was left feeling like a dick by some toxic lesbian who had the audacity to say: “You shouldn’t put all your eggs in one basket, you should be more like me and have more options open, but if things dont work out with me and (thinks of name to make up for sake of politeness) Dickmouth can I give you a call?”

Three months later I got a call from Daniella, and it was back like old times. She was flirty, charming and witty, while also hurt and angry at the behaviour of Dickmouth, who was secretly messaging men on Facebook and flirting with men in bars. So, from this, did Daniella take her chance at potential happiness with me? NO. Partly because I laughed at her downfall when she told me about it, partly because I admitted I was cautious at giving her any benefit of the doubt after her previous shitty behaviour, and partly because her egotism made her want to keep trying to be better than Dickmouth’s desire for dick. Once again, and for the final time, Daniella let me down. Seriously, what the Hell?